feste_sylvain

WASHINGTON, Oct. 19, 1966 -- Senator George D. Aiken (R-VT) made a "far-fetched proposal" today for achieving peace in Vietnam: that the United States declare that it has won the war.

Almost ten years ago, an horrific crime was committed. The criminals in charge of it were not within U.S. boundaries, so we demanded their surrender from the de facto government whose country the criminals were hiding in. Said regime refused, so we sent our military to depose that government and capture the criminals.

We, having significant military advantage, deposed that regime in short order. Unfortunately, the criminals buggered off.

I said, at that point, that the military job was done, and that we should issue a Letter of Marque & Reprisal, which is basically a contract hit. Hire bounty hunters. This is one of the "war powers" that the Constitution of These Here United States authorizes Congress to do.

Instead, of course, we beat our chest, tried to build a new nation, got diverted to Iraq by the Howler Monkey in Chief, and utterly squandered our good name all over the planet.

At home, the terrorists won. We can't fly without getting groped by uniformed government molesters, can't enter many public buildings without screening, poured an obscene amount of borrowed money at foreign problems which aren't ours and never had a chance of being ours, endorsed torture (!), held a rape victim at Guantanamo "to find out what he knows", stigmatized the fastest growing religion in the country to the point where they can't build any new houses of worship, and routinely have our electronic and physical privacy violated without warrant.

Here in the Boston area, the police have been called in and entire swaths of cities have been shut down over cult movie advertizements and someone carrying an oddly-shaped umbrella.

So, now that too many of us are chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!" at the death of an admitted criminal scumbag, let's take this opportunity to declare that we have won the war.

Then let's act like we've freaking won it.